When grief makes a home in you...

It's been weeks and I am unable to come to terms with your sudden and untimely death. My grief seems to etch itself into me, little by little. Everyday.
When I reflect back, I recall that I didn't see you in twenty over years - not once, but why is it that you seem still very much there beti...just outside my peripheral vision. 'Just missed' kind of feeling, like you just turned into the next street, overwhelms me all through my day. Flash backs of your life, our lives and our many conversations seamlessly enter and never leave my consciousness.
I realised that our memories become very cherished when someone, like you, makes a home in the souls of those who you loved and those who loved you back. I see things in far greater detail now than ever before.
My dear niece, Samreen, you were much more to me, and all of us, than we ever gave you credit for. You were the go-to person in the family.
There was a time in my life when I seldom called or communicated with anyone. You were my only contact in the family. I am sure there are others amongst us who feel equally proprietary about their kinship with you.
A little grief never hurts anyone. I feel your grief has made a home in me. Finally, I am getting to like carrying my most fond memories of Samreen, my favourite niece, all day. It is just that at 5am the flood gates of my eyes open. I drive knowing fully well that you are not there but talking to you as if you are seated right next to me. I cannot stop my uncontrollable sobbing and tears rolling down my cheeks. I feel it is the regret of all those years when I was here but never there for you.
A whole life of regret is in front of me and you are in the seat next to me - smiling. This will be some ride!